Gratitude

Gratitude.
Gratitude.
Gratitude.

That's all that's been coursing through my brain this past week.

Gratitude.

Gratitude for the nurses who treated my mom like a human being, even when she wasn't conscious. They'd still walk up to her blank face & say, "Hello Marie, I'm Lee, & I'm here to take your temperature. You'll feel it in your ear." It brought me to tears every single time.

Gratitude for the doctors who worked tirelessly to save my mom. They continued to try because she said she wasn't ready to give up, even though I could see on their faces they knew she wasn't going to make it.

Gratitude for friends who dropped everything so I could be with her in the hospital, who let me vent & cry, and who organized endlessly.

Gratitude for my husband who held my hand as I watch my mother slip away and who cried with me as we said our goodbyes.

Gratitude for my mother-in-law who understood my obsessive need that I "had to buy my mom new underwear to be buried in", who cleaned my whole house & never once complained about my blowing my nose on her shirt.

Gratitude to all the people who not only brought my family meals but brought us really tasty meals that included dessert.

Gratitude for friends who not just took care of my kids but treated them to new funeral clothes & got their hair cut.

Gratitude to my dad, who organized the financial mess that was left behind, & sat with me understanding why I cried going through her clothes.

Gratitude for all the Facebook messages that I have read, and re-read over and over. Memories shared & expressions of sympathy that have left me in tears.

Gratitude for the store that had the dress for me to wear that my mom would have loved & matched her broach that I HAD to wear to her funeral.

Gratitude for friends who insisted that I look beautiful for the funeral. Who came early to do my makeup & helped make me feel lovely, despite feeling downright dull inside.

Gratitude for Larry, our mortician, (yes, we're on a first name basis) who wears flannels & jeans and reminds me of my grandpa. And his dog Sable who lives at the mortuary, & who freaked me out at first but somehow petting her is exactly what I needed.

Gratitude for the people who stopped by and didn't comment on my 5 days worn "mourning clothes" consisting of a Nintendo shirt and black leggings.

Gratitude for the memorial blog posts from Heather, Malea, & Esther. Plus pictures of my mom posted by my Aunt Susy.

Gratitude that I actually felt joyful at the funeral because so many people who loved my mom traveled from all over the country to be there.

Gratitude for the knowledge that my mom is in a better place, that Heavenly Father has a plan, & that she's out of pain.

Thank you everyone, for being there in my biggest time of need. I hope someday I can repay all the kindness & love I received.

Grief Quilt

When my mom passed away I didn't expect to be as attached to her clothes as I was. For some random, deep in the psyche reason, I was paralyzed by the fear that I'd find her clothes in a thrift store someday.

The thought made me ill.

So, I cleaned out everything else in the house. Everything. The only thing left was a big box of clothes and I cried & cried & cried as I separated them into piles.

Keep.
Give-away.
Throw.
Keep. Giveaway. Throw.
My 'keep' pile was getting huge. The others lay empty.

Finally my dad suggested that maybe I give some to him. He could take in a skirt here & there to fit me. Turn an old t-shirt into a pair of leggings for Syd. It made me felt better.

Then my mom-in-law offered to take some clothes and make them into a quilt. I pulled out all my moms purple ones. Purple is her favorite color.

For Christmas she sent me the quit & it turned out beautiful.

Some days when I'm feeling especially lonely & missing my mom an insurmountable lot, I spread it out & lay on it.

Surrounded by the familiar patterns & textures.
Comforted by memories.
And remember her.

Stress Test

This is a MASSIVE post about what's been going on with crazy pregnancy stuff. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE DRAMA & hop down to the mini post at the bottom:

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Oh man, lately my life has felt like it is one big ol' stress test. Not like the lovely Non-Stress Tests I've been doing weekly (& now bi-weekly), the REAL LIFE stress.

I just wanted to keep everyone who isn't a FB (why the heck aren't we FB friends?) or text friends up to date on the craziness that has been life this week. After my last NST came back low I was told to come back 5 days later (Monday) & when they checked me the number dropped abnormal/ dangerously low. They told me to go straight to Labor & Delivery because I was most likely going to have this baby. Yeah, I didn't even have a car seat.

At the hospital they admitted me, put me in a lovely gown, & put in a heplock all saying they were just waiting for the doctor to start inducing me. When the doctor did come he told them "35 weeks is TOO early to induce her let's try some stuff first" (thank heavens for doctors that agree with me) but he added "you are still almost certainly having this baby today or tomorrow".

They hooked me up to an IV & DUMPED me full of saline and then rushed me down to get an ultrasound again. This time my numbers were up. Still low but not dangerous. They still weren't sure if they were going to induce me. Finally, it was decided 35 weeks was too early, I'd come back Thursday & they'd check again.

Wednesday I had an appointment to see the doctor at the OB's office. After telling her what had happened Monday & she mentioned that I was measuring small (I've measured RIGHT ON every other appointment). She also said it didn't look good to keep this baby in much longer.

Thursday (today) I went in & my amniotic fluid numbers actually went up. I was ecstatic, but then when they started monitoring the baby the heart rate wasn't quite right- just having strange dips & they thought I'd probably have this baby today. So, I sat there for 3 1/2 hours (which would have rocked if I wasn't starving, didn't hate TV & had a book that didn't stink). The doc finally came & again reinterated that he thought 36 weeks was too early to induce & to go back to the doctors office on Tuesday for an amnio test, a NST, a doctors appointment, & an ultrasound to check the babies size.

I came back an emotional mess. All this "you're giving birth RIGHT NOW" and "wait, no you aren't" etc just did me in. I'm now determined that this baby is coming at the end of February. I'm not even letting the idea that I'm having this baby enter my mind unless I've got an IV of petocin dripping in my arm.

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After I got home a weepy mess, my lovely mom-in-law (who flew out at the false scare & has been helping SO MUCH) took the kids & I out to "Beauty & the Beast" in the theater. It was just as amazing as I remember it being when I first saw it in the theater when I was 9 years old.

So, you are all now FULLY updated on my life. Thanks for sticking with my through my blogging absence & baby-on-the-brain posts. You all rock!

RECIPE: Pumpkin Waffles & Buttermilk Syrup

Today Scott was telling Sydney to clean up some papers all over her bedroom floor. Syd was whining about having to clean.

Scott: "Well, maybe we should just make you our own Cinderella."
Syd: "Dad, we already have a Cinderella. It's mom."

Oh, the sad, sad truth of my life some days.

On to better & brighter topics, for dinner we had some AMAZING pumpkin waffles with the tastiest buttermilk syrup I've ever had. This ain't a diet recipe my friends, but it sure is tasty.

PUMPKIN WAFFLE

Combine dry ingredients:
2 cups flour
2 TB baking powder
1 TB cinnamon
1 TB sugar
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt

Mix the wet ingredients:
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup pumpkin
3/4 cup margarine - softened
1 TB vanilla
4 egg yolks (save the whites in a different bowl for adding to the mix later)

Mix all this with the dry flour mixture.

Beat egg whites into stiff peaks & fold into pumpkin mixture.

Cool in the fridge for 8 hours or overnight (tonight my mom-in-law mentioned that she heard this isn't necessary but I have heard of a couple recipes for pancakes that have you put the batter in the fridge for an hour or so before cooking)

Then make them!

BUTTERMILK SYRUP

Combine:
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup buttermilk
3/4 cup butter
1 TB light corn syrup

Put it all in a pan over medium heat & wisk until melted and smooth.

Take off the heat & then add:
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 TB vanilla

And wisk (warning: I wasn't prepared for the baking soda to like expand the whole syupr mixture so it boiled over my small pan. It wasn't a ton but make sure you have space for the baking soda to puff everything up)

Eat up & enjoy! Like I said it's got all sorts of fatty/sugary ingredients but it's worth that step closer to a heart attack- it's THAT good.

Sunday Family- May 12th

Happy Mothers Day All!

I'm just going to say it: Mother's Day is hard for me. Every year I tell myself I'm going to focus on the positive and let my short comings (which are vast and many) go but somehow the negativity  sneaks up on me. Thankfully, despite me getting a little down Scott & the kids made me feel so special- a Mother's Day corsage, flower bouquets, a nap and a long bath, No-Bake Cookies,
a nice long family walk, hugs, kisses, drawings and kind words.

I have to admit that I miss my own mom every Mother's Day too. It just isn't the same without her and every Mother's Day I wish she was here. Hug your mama's a little tighter today because it's so hard when they are gone. We did go visit her headstone today and sat out in the lovely sun chatting about her and all her awesomness. It was a nice cap to the day. I'm endlessly grateful that I have a fantastic mom-in-law who makes me feel like a daughter of her own. She raised one heck of a son and I love her for it!

Hope everyone had a great day and has a great week!

P.S. And the Olivia Carter No-Bake Cookie Recipe can be found here!

P.S.S. And for the joy of seeing how little my littles used to be here's Mother's Day 2012, 2011, 2009, & 2008 (Apparently I really didn't like 2010 Mom's Day because I posted nothing!)

As much fun, drama, craziness as two 15 year olds

I have exited my 20's & entered the lovely world of my 30's! I celebrated with a small group of friends in style. We basically combined all things I love into one big party- awesome friends, art, pretty drinks, tasty food, gold, & dressing up.

Before the party I gave each important person in my life a small 6X6 canvas with instructions & then we displayed them at the party as a mini-gallery opening (more info on how to do this here).

Everyone did awesome! I can't even tell you how happy each & every one of them made me. People really made the pieces their own & every canvas had each artists personality. I can not wait to hang them up!

Everyone brought fancy hors d'oeuvres to share &, WOW, people really went all out (Rachel even shared her recipe for flat bread & Greek spreads here). And I mixed up some fancy "mock"-tails to drink.

We kept it small just inviting a few friends. My amazing childhood friends who I grew up with in Maryland & we miraculously have all ended up here in Utah & my writer group girls- who are also my pseudo-therapy group.

A girl could not ask for more than these lovely ladies (& their awesome husbands who also came dressed up & ready to party!)

We added touches of gold in as many places as possible. We even had this set of gold silverware since we were married but they have to be hand-washed so we NEVER use them. It was a great chance to bust them out.

I even made the little golden animal cocktail stirrers (You can buy your own set on my Etsy site). I told you, I have WAY too much fun with gold spray paint.

And I honestly couldn't ask for more than hanging out with my awesome family- who worked so hard (cleaning their rooms, planning the party, hugs & kisses) to make my day SUPER special. I can't wait to spend the next decade hanging out & partying with them.

I thought 30 would be hard, that I'd feel old & like I haven't accomplished much, but I spent a lot of time thinking about my 20's & all the things I've accomplished in those 10 years.

Here's a little list:
1. I fell ridiculously in love
2. I got hitched
3. I inherited an awesome in-law family
4. I earned a degree
5. I had Sydney
6. I took care of my mom
7. I had Rob
8. I started a blog
9. I began & finished writing a book
10. I had Lincoln

A degree, a deliriously happy marriage, 3 babies, & so much more that I can call good. I can only feel positive that there is so much exciting stuff for my 30's bring!

P.S. And just because I can not manage to not add more photos here are some more!

HOW TO: Get kids ready for a new baby

For Family Night last night, I thought for part of our evening we'd have some "what's gonna happen when the baby comes" activities with Syd & Rob.

We started off reading this LOVELY (in story & especially in drawings) book my mom-in-law gave Syd & Rob for Christmas.

Then we played a little game of "What will change & what will stay the same when the baby comes". I typed up a bunch of sentences & then we put them under each column (We had a bunch & I made an effort to have the "stay the same" list longer than the "change" list).

To top off the night we played with Sydney's doll, specifically learning how to hold a baby. The kids went ga-ga for it.

I am probably a lot more neurotic than I need to be about how they're going to handle a new baby but it was fun to talk (& warn them) about all the fun (& hard stuff) that comes along with a new baby!

Surprise Anniversary!

Thursday afternoon a knock is at the door & who should be on my doorstep but my wonderful mom-in-law (who drove from CA) to watch the kids while Scott whisks me away to an undisclosed location for our anniversary.

Scott did a good job of channeling my need for spontaneity. So, we hopped in the car & drove, destination unknown...

And then, in the distance there she was...

Las Vegas!

Scott had it ALL PLANNED OUT! Now, I love me some Scott Carter but he is not the most planned individual but he had a gorgeous hotel booked, a plan for while we were there, & tickets for a show (the BlueManGroup).

And, yes, he is UBER.

Marrying him was the best decision I ever made.

P.S. One week without blogging? I didn't even realize it & I kinda suck. I'll get back on the wagon peeps. I promise.

Lake Tahoe Relay 2013

We're back from Tahoe & had another great year at the Lake Tahoe Relay. The drive went pretty well- I think the kids are used to these long drives by now. Plus we have a system that makes it SO MUCH easier- certain places we stop, treats we always have, & activities they always do in the car too.

 We had a blast hanging out with our fantastic family and getting ready for the race- putting together the goodie bags & t-shirts!

 Here we are at the start/finish line. Yup, we have the coolest family ever!

 It's a lot of work and it was HOT the day of the race but it is SO MUCH FUN! I helped direct traffic on one of the legs (my first time ever) and it was a blast. Each leg decorates their area and the timers dress up. Our leg was zombies & it ended up being a lot of fun! I  did the zombie make-up for the timers on my leg.The kids were in charge of handing out the awards and Scott is a timer at the finish line as well as a IT guy. Like I said, lots of work but SO worth it!

My mom in law also bought the kids matching outfit for cousin pictures- just look at these kids!

Woo-hoo for another year down & next year is the 50th anniversary so if there was a year to do it this next year would be the one!

P.S. Past years: 2008. 2009, 2010, 2011, & 2012